Hi Hannah! First off, I really like the aesthetic of your website! I think the home page picture is really nice and the introduction banner picture ties in well with the ring concept in the introduction. I also think the idea of creating your own Ramayana adventure is really fun and great way to make the audience feel like they are experiencing the story. I’m a bit confused about what happened to Visvamitra after Lakshmana opened the door for him. He seemed eager to talk to Rama, but then he isn’t brought up again after Lakshmana opens the door. I’m also wondering if Visvamitra basically planned Lakshmana’s death by threatening him to open door, ultimately leading to his fatal punishment? I'm confused about where Hanuman goes after he can’t find Rama’s ring or does he gets eaten by the King of Spirits? It says he left, but a bit of clarification about where would be helpful! Anyways, I’m interested to see how you make the storybook interactive for the reader and I’m looking forward to reading the first story!
I think the concept that you go into in your introduction for your project is one of the more interesting ones. The idea that time is cyclical, and that all events that happen have happened before and will continue to happen forever is so cool. I like how you correlate this idea to the fact that Rama has been reincarnated multiple times, and how there is a Ramayana for each one. Being told in different ways every time, but having the same main idea. I'm doing my project over karma, which has a lot to do with choices and paths taken. Your intro has given me ideas on how to use Karma as ways to explore the Ramayana in different ways! Apart from that, I think you told a great story that I really enjoyed! I'm definitely going to read the original story and see if I can use it for my karma project storybook!
Hi Hannah! Your story introduction was absolutely intriguing! I really loved the story format of the first part, then the objective explanation of cyclical time in Eastern cultures and the Ramayanas. Your idea of having the reader create their own Ramayana with choices is really cool as well; I’ll definitely be bookmarking your project! The only editorial note I have for you was a concurrency issue with the sentence “While Hanuman was away looking for the ring…” In the previous paragraph, you had described Hanuman as captured, mocked, and placed on a platter. It was a little bit of a mental jump from “oh he’s in trouble” to “ah he’s still fine and looking for the ring.” Though I acknowledge Rama thought he was still out looking for the ring, the readers know better so I’d recommend some segue that acknowledges his situation, like “While Hanuman feared for his life/was stuck on a platter/was brought before the King”…y’know, something like that. Outstanding work, and I can’t wait to read more!
Hi Hannah! The first thing that struck me about your storybook was the title - I had to read more when I saw "3001 Ramayanas." I thought your intro was good at establishing the idea behind the storybook. I found the author's note really helpful as well and I think it will be exciting to incorporate a choose your own adventure into the storybook. Will we be part of the adventure in the first person, as if we are making the decisions as a character in the 3001st Ramayana, or will we be choosing the path that Lava and Kusa take through this story? Also, are you going to use Twine to make your stories, or will you make a bunch of google sites pages that are hidden so we can explore the different paths in the storybooks? I am looking forward to seeing what you do with this, and it's a really good concept
Howdy Hannah, hope all is well. First off, the concept of time being a flat circle is one of my favorite ideas to explore. Your application of this concept is super interesting and the role it played was really neat. It’s a cool concept to explore that the characters in this introduction are willingly letting their time on earth end, with a better understanding of their role in the universe. I’m curious as to how their decision-making process would vary with their keeping in mind the inevitability of time as it would seem. Are you considering having Rama and Lakshmana meeting in the underworld? It seems like they both gave up their time on the earth rather quickly, do you think they have any sort of ulterior motive? If you haven’t seen True Detective season one, I would recommend it. The “time is a flat circle” is a substantial part of that show.
Hello Hannah, I think your idea is super cool. So many different cultures and stories have utilized the concept of time being circular versus linear. Although it may seem like something best left to the physicists, incorporating circular time in storytelling can be very liberating. Speaking of freedom, your "choose your own Ramayana" idea is dope. I'll definitely be coming back to your page to see how things progress! I'm curious as to how you're going to organize your stories. When a reader chooses a path for their Ramayana to take, will your website reflect that and have them click to a new section of story depending on what they choose? Or are you going to have them do it manually- if you picked answer A, go here; if you picked answer B, go here; etc? Either way, I think making sure that things are easily navigable is going to be important!
First of all you have the Norman weather on your blog? I didn't even know you could do that, that is cool. I also really like the way your page is set up as well as the concept of your website. I think making a chose your own adventure book is an excellent twist that puts us in a place to take advantage of the various stories and decisions made in the Ramayana. I think it might be really interesting if you are somehow able to tie together your different stories on your google site with the chose your own adventure theme. I don't know exactly how you could do this but maybe depending on which path you take you end up at a different story or page.
Hannah, All I can say is wow. I really enjoyed your story book a lot. I wasn’t quite sure what stories I was going to be reading because it isn’t really mentioned in your r intro. I was wondering if there was a way to let us know what the stories were going to be about beforehand so we could get a better understanding. Ok, now that the critiquing is out of the way I must say that having a interactive story is genius. I have never seen anyone do that yet and I was blown away. I like that there were different options with different outcomes. I went back and did the story twice so that way I could see what would happen. There are so many different combinations and I feel that makes your story book unique. I am so interested to see more of your stories once you post them!
Hi Hannah! I read your introduction a couple weeks ago and was so interested by your storybook idea that I wanted to come back and read any additions you had made! I love the interactive storybook idea and think that it’s a great way to keep the readers interested. I even read through the story a second time to see what my fate would be if I selected a different option. The style reminds me exactly of the “Goosebumps” stories I used to love to read as a kid. I like the options you used for the story, I wondered when reading the Ramayana would have happened if Dasharatha would have just told Kaikeyi no. I’m curious why Rama didn’t come back after Dasaratha’s death like his father said even though it was before the 12 years. Overall, I love this story and the storybook concept! I’m sure I’ll be revisiting your storybook again in the future!
Hi Hannah! I know you've already seen this many times, but I think your idea for your story is really cool. The choice you provided was one I was really wondering about when I read the original story, so I'm so excited to see where you take the story from here! I really wanted the King to just ignore Kaikeyi at her selfish request! Also, I think your intro does a great job of introducing another factor to think about when hearing another retelling of the Ramayana. I know the story is still in the revision process but it's really great so far. I'm sure it takes a decent amount of brain power to keep track of each storyline and to come up with what should happen next in each one. The concept you've come up is great and goes well with some of the curiosities some of us wondered about whenn reading the original Ramayana.
Hi Hannah! When first reading this story, it seemed like a type of fairytale story, such as Alice in Wonderland. Your writing and characters were very complex and detailed. I really felt like you preserved the style of the original epic. With this said, the immense detail flows very quickly from event to event throughout the plot. However, I would perhaps recommend that you should had more literary devices, especially imagery. This could really facilitate with character development explaining the motives of some of the bold character actions. Also, I love how you explained the concept of your story in the authors note. I would recommend that you explain the original story more and compare, more specifically, what you are altering. Also, it would be very beneficial to have an additional author's note for your first story (Rama's Banishment). This would've helped me connect the dots on how the story of Dasharatha fit into the introduction to the storybook. I can't wait to read more! Great work!
The concept of numerous versions of Rama all living unique and separate lives due to the existence of various renditions of the Ramayana is quite interesting. Then, letting the reader make their own version of the story to add to the "3000" existing stories is SO cool. That said, there are just a few things you could do to improve your project: 1. You spell Dasharatha's name differently throughout the story. I know it's complex, but just be consistent. It will make a big difference. 2. I chose to call Kaikeyi a "vile jade." You certainly constructed the story so that regardless of the choice, people end up at the same point. However, your reasoning didn't line up when the stories met up. You say Dasharatha sends Rama away in fear for his life. But at the point where the stories clearly meet up, you can that Rama is in exile. If you want to construct your story so that people have a choice, make sure their choice matters and that future options make sense, given what people chose.
Other than that, your project seems great. I really like that someone chose to utilize that site that allows you to make branching stories. It's honestly really cool. Great job!
Hi Hannah, the first thing that stuck out to me about your project was the title--something about it seemed so mysterious. Upon reading your title, I was instantly fascinated and ready to learn more. I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I think that your introduction, along with your author's note, do a great job of explaining the meaning behind your project and its title. It seemed very all-encompassing, and took an angle on the Ramayana that I hadn't yet seen or realized yet. It was cool that you are able to write your stories in a manner where time does not have to necessarily be linear. I thought Lakshmana acted in a way that was appropriate to this character. I was originally confused after reading your story Rama's Banishment--I thought that this was a storybook project and thus would go along with the theme of 3001 Rama's or a non-cyclical timeline. I would love for you to apply that concept again in your project! It was very original to anything I have read thus far. It reminded me of the show Dark on netflix--you should check it out! Great job, keep up the good work.
Hannah, this has got to be one of the most unique and creative projects so far. And we're pretty far into the semester too! Incorporating this interactive tool into your stories made it seem like I was playing a game. So fun! What platform or website did you use to make it? I gotta say, my initial impression of your intro and story were kind of confusing. I was like, "Okay, where is she going with this intro..." and then the layout and format of the first story confused me too, because I wasn't sure if there was supposed to be that black box and huge empty space at the bottom there or if it was intended. Come to find out that was all part of the setup! I know you probably have no control over those things. I'm sure it's quite difficult and complex to make it all work together, as you stated in your Author's Note, but you have all my support and respect in going forth with this project!
Hi Hannah, Your storybook is so cool!!! Right away everything looks very polished and neat. Everything is easy to find except for one thing, on your introduction page the links to the other pages are hard to read when they’re over the wallpaper picture of the ring. All of the other ones are set up on solid colors though, so they turned out great. You made great use of lines to segment sections and font styles to show changes in the information I was reading. Everything is so well put together that it was a pleasure to go through the storybook and click through everything. I also enjoyed the images you used, and everything is so easy to find from page to page. I liked the placement of your sources for everything to, it’s easy to see but also, they are unobtrusive so they don’t take away from anything but don’t get lost either. Your storybook is awesome and I’m excited for the last story. - Jillienne
I really enjoyed the aesthetics of your site and I really liked your header pictures of each story. The pictures are very simple and they remind me of a storybook cover. I read the Rama's punishment story and it was one of my favorite stories i've read because it was interactive. I really enjoyed the decision process that was given and depending on what I chose would change the outcome of the story. I went and saw you did the same approach on your second story with decision making situation and it reminds me of that Black Mirror movie on netflix where you make decisions and depending on what you choose the whole story would change and go to a different outcome. I really enjoyed reading your story because how fun it was and I wish you the best of luck in the rest of the semester.
I really like the phot you chose for your banner. It is easy to find tour comment wall link. It would be nice to have an introduction so us the reader have an idea of what we are about o read. We are going in some what blind. Also, it would be interesting to know why you chose this topic for your story. I really like how your introduction looks. I wish that your intro had more of you taking to us about your idea. For Rama’s banishment I really like the spacing of the story. It is also interesting that the background is black, and the letters are white it is more unusual. It is nice you added an additional photo. The more photos the better! I also love it is like a choose your own adventure kind of story!! That is amazing!! That’s so unique!!! I wish I would have thought of that! Though it means double the work so props to you!!
Hey Hannah! I really like that you kept the color overlay for all of your banner images. It makes all of the photos mesh when normally they may have had different tones to them. The one for the introduction took forever to load, but that is probably just my wifi. The photos actually in your stories really popped on the black background! How did you make the choose your own adventure style??? I'm doing one as well, but will be using buttons to jump between pages since the whole site will be one big story! I really like the Adhyatma Ramayana version of Sita's abduction. I read the PDE version and was SO upset when Rama doubted her purity! It was a little weird that the "choice" given in Rama's Banishment had little effect on the outcome, but I understand the word count struggle! Overall this was a fun project to explore and I look forward to seeing your last story!
Hey Hannah! Just looked through your site and I gotta say the simplistic nature of it really stands out. Honestly it looks so clean and professional! I also really liked how you focused on the Ramayana. Personally that was my favorite epic and I enjoyed reading your stories on the matter. The Choose Your Own Adventure story was INCREDIBLE. Great work on that. You really made the story enjoyable and fun to be a part of. Great effort produces great work!
Hi Hannah!
ReplyDeleteFirst off, I really like the aesthetic of your website! I think the home page picture is really nice and the introduction banner picture ties in well with the ring concept in the introduction. I also think the idea of creating your own Ramayana adventure is really fun and great way to make the audience feel like they are experiencing the story. I’m a bit confused about what happened to Visvamitra after Lakshmana opened the door for him. He seemed eager to talk to Rama, but then he isn’t brought up again after Lakshmana opens the door. I’m also wondering if Visvamitra basically planned Lakshmana’s death by threatening him to open door, ultimately leading to his fatal punishment? I'm confused about where Hanuman goes after he can’t find Rama’s ring or does he gets eaten by the King of Spirits? It says he left, but a bit of clarification about where would be helpful! Anyways, I’m interested to see how you make the storybook interactive for the reader and I’m looking forward to reading the first story!
Hannah,
ReplyDeleteI think the concept that you go into in your introduction for your project is one of the more interesting ones. The idea that time is cyclical, and that all events that happen have happened before and will continue to happen forever is so cool. I like how you correlate this idea to the fact that Rama has been reincarnated multiple times, and how there is a Ramayana for each one. Being told in different ways every time, but having the same main idea. I'm doing my project over karma, which has a lot to do with choices and paths taken. Your intro has given me ideas on how to use Karma as ways to explore the Ramayana in different ways! Apart from that, I think you told a great story that I really enjoyed! I'm definitely going to read the original story and see if I can use it for my karma project storybook!
Regards,
Jake
Hi Hannah!
ReplyDeleteYour story introduction was absolutely intriguing! I really loved the story format of the first part, then the objective explanation of cyclical time in Eastern cultures and the Ramayanas. Your idea of having the reader create their own Ramayana with choices is really cool as well; I’ll definitely be bookmarking your project! The only editorial note I have for you was a concurrency issue with the sentence “While Hanuman was away looking for the ring…” In the previous paragraph, you had described Hanuman as captured, mocked, and placed on a platter. It was a little bit of a mental jump from “oh he’s in trouble” to “ah he’s still fine and looking for the ring.” Though I acknowledge Rama thought he was still out looking for the ring, the readers know better so I’d recommend some segue that acknowledges his situation, like “While Hanuman feared for his life/was stuck on a platter/was brought before the King”…y’know, something like that. Outstanding work, and I can’t wait to read more!
Hi Hannah! The first thing that struck me about your storybook was the title - I had to read more when I saw "3001 Ramayanas." I thought your intro was good at establishing the idea behind the storybook. I found the author's note really helpful as well and I think it will be exciting to incorporate a choose your own adventure into the storybook. Will we be part of the adventure in the first person, as if we are making the decisions as a character in the 3001st Ramayana, or will we be choosing the path that Lava and Kusa take through this story? Also, are you going to use Twine to make your stories, or will you make a bunch of google sites pages that are hidden so we can explore the different paths in the storybooks? I am looking forward to seeing what you do with this, and it's a really good concept
ReplyDeleteHowdy Hannah, hope all is well. First off, the concept of time being a flat circle is one of my favorite ideas to explore. Your application of this concept is super interesting and the role it played was really neat. It’s a cool concept to explore that the characters in this introduction are willingly letting their time on earth end, with a better understanding of their role in the universe. I’m curious as to how their decision-making process would vary with their keeping in mind the inevitability of time as it would seem. Are you considering having Rama and Lakshmana meeting in the underworld? It seems like they both gave up their time on the earth rather quickly, do you think they have any sort of ulterior motive? If you haven’t seen True Detective season one, I would recommend it. The “time is a flat circle” is a substantial part of that show.
ReplyDeleteHello Hannah,
ReplyDeleteI think your idea is super cool. So many different cultures and stories have utilized the concept of time being circular versus linear. Although it may seem like something best left to the physicists, incorporating circular time in storytelling can be very liberating. Speaking of freedom, your "choose your own Ramayana" idea is dope. I'll definitely be coming back to your page to see how things progress!
I'm curious as to how you're going to organize your stories. When a reader chooses a path for their Ramayana to take, will your website reflect that and have them click to a new section of story depending on what they choose? Or are you going to have them do it manually- if you picked answer A, go here; if you picked answer B, go here; etc? Either way, I think making sure that things are easily navigable is going to be important!
Hi Hannah,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all you have the Norman weather on your blog? I didn't even know you could do that, that is cool. I also really like the way your page is set up as well as the concept of your website. I think making a chose your own adventure book is an excellent twist that puts us in a place to take advantage of the various stories and decisions made in the Ramayana. I think it might be really interesting if you are somehow able to tie together your different stories on your google site with the chose your own adventure theme. I don't know exactly how you could do this but maybe depending on which path you take you end up at a different story or page.
Hannah,
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is wow. I really enjoyed your story book a lot. I wasn’t quite sure what stories I was going to be reading because it isn’t really mentioned in your r intro. I was wondering if there was a way to let us know what the stories were going to be about beforehand so we could get a better understanding. Ok, now that the critiquing is out of the way I must say that having a interactive story is genius. I have never seen anyone do that yet and I was blown away. I like that there were different options with different outcomes. I went back and did the story twice so that way I could see what would happen. There are so many different combinations and I feel that makes your story book unique. I am so interested to see more of your stories once you post them!
Hi Hannah!
ReplyDeleteI read your introduction a couple weeks ago and was so interested by your storybook idea that I wanted to come back and read any additions you had made! I love the interactive storybook idea and think that it’s a great way to keep the readers interested. I even read through the story a second time to see what my fate would be if I selected a different option. The style reminds me exactly of the “Goosebumps” stories I used to love to read as a kid. I like the options you used for the story, I wondered when reading the Ramayana would have happened if Dasharatha would have just told Kaikeyi no. I’m curious why Rama didn’t come back after Dasaratha’s death like his father said even though it was before the 12 years. Overall, I love this story and the storybook concept! I’m sure I’ll be revisiting your storybook again in the future!
Hi Hannah!
ReplyDeleteI know you've already seen this many times, but I think your idea for your story is really cool. The choice you provided was one I was really wondering about when I read the original story, so I'm so excited to see where you take the story from here! I really wanted the King to just ignore Kaikeyi at her selfish request! Also, I think your intro does a great job of introducing another factor to think about when hearing another retelling of the Ramayana.
I know the story is still in the revision process but it's really great so far. I'm sure it takes a decent amount of brain power to keep track of each storyline and to come up with what should happen next in each one. The concept you've come up is great and goes well with some of the curiosities some of us wondered about whenn reading the original Ramayana.
Hi Hannah!
ReplyDeleteWhen first reading this story, it seemed like a type of fairytale story, such as Alice in Wonderland. Your writing and characters were very complex and detailed. I really felt like you preserved the style of the original epic. With this said, the immense detail flows very quickly from event to event throughout the plot. However, I would perhaps recommend that you should had more literary devices, especially imagery. This could really facilitate with character development explaining the motives of some of the bold character actions. Also, I love how you explained the concept of your story in the authors note. I would recommend that you explain the original story more and compare, more specifically, what you are altering. Also, it would be very beneficial to have an additional author's note for your first story (Rama's Banishment). This would've helped me connect the dots on how the story of Dasharatha fit into the introduction to the storybook. I can't wait to read more! Great work!
Hannah,
ReplyDeleteThe concept of numerous versions of Rama all living unique and separate lives due to the existence of various renditions of the Ramayana is quite interesting. Then, letting the reader make their own version of the story to add to the "3000" existing stories is SO cool.
That said, there are just a few things you could do to improve your project:
1. You spell Dasharatha's name differently throughout the story. I know it's complex, but just be consistent. It will make a big difference.
2. I chose to call Kaikeyi a "vile jade." You certainly constructed the story so that regardless of the choice, people end up at the same point. However, your reasoning didn't line up when the stories met up. You say Dasharatha sends Rama away in fear for his life. But at the point where the stories clearly meet up, you can that Rama is in exile. If you want to construct your story so that people have a choice, make sure their choice matters and that future options make sense, given what people chose.
Other than that, your project seems great. I really like that someone chose to utilize that site that allows you to make branching stories. It's honestly really cool. Great job!
Hi Hannah, the first thing that stuck out to me about your project was the title--something about it seemed so mysterious. Upon reading your title, I was instantly fascinated and ready to learn more. I really enjoyed reading your introduction. I think that your introduction, along with your author's note, do a great job of explaining the meaning behind your project and its title. It seemed very all-encompassing, and took an angle on the Ramayana that I hadn't yet seen or realized yet. It was cool that you are able to write your stories in a manner where time does not have to necessarily be linear. I thought Lakshmana acted in a way that was appropriate to this character. I was originally confused after reading your story Rama's Banishment--I thought that this was a storybook project and thus would go along with the theme of 3001 Rama's or a non-cyclical timeline. I would love for you to apply that concept again in your project! It was very original to anything I have read thus far. It reminded me of the show Dark on netflix--you should check it out! Great job, keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteHannah, this has got to be one of the most unique and creative projects so far. And we're pretty far into the semester too! Incorporating this interactive tool into your stories made it seem like I was playing a game. So fun! What platform or website did you use to make it? I gotta say, my initial impression of your intro and story were kind of confusing. I was like, "Okay, where is she going with this intro..." and then the layout and format of the first story confused me too, because I wasn't sure if there was supposed to be that black box and huge empty space at the bottom there or if it was intended. Come to find out that was all part of the setup! I know you probably have no control over those things. I'm sure it's quite difficult and complex to make it all work together, as you stated in your Author's Note, but you have all my support and respect in going forth with this project!
ReplyDeleteHi Hannah, Your storybook is so cool!!! Right away everything looks very polished and neat. Everything is easy to find except for one thing, on your introduction page the links to the other pages are hard to read when they’re over the wallpaper picture of the ring. All of the other ones are set up on solid colors though, so they turned out great. You made great use of lines to segment sections and font styles to show changes in the information I was reading. Everything is so well put together that it was a pleasure to go through the storybook and click through everything. I also enjoyed the images you used, and everything is so easy to find from page to page. I liked the placement of your sources for everything to, it’s easy to see but also, they are unobtrusive so they don’t take away from anything but don’t get lost either. Your storybook is awesome and I’m excited for the last story. - Jillienne
ReplyDeleteHi Hannah!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the aesthetics of your site and I really liked your header pictures of each story. The pictures are very simple and they remind me of a storybook cover. I read the Rama's punishment story and it was one of my favorite stories i've read because it was interactive. I really enjoyed the decision process that was given and depending on what
I chose would change the outcome of the story. I went and saw you did the same approach on your second story with decision making situation and it reminds me of that Black Mirror movie on netflix where you make decisions and depending on what you choose the whole story would change and go to a different outcome. I really enjoyed reading your story because how fun it was and I wish you the best of luck in the rest of the semester.
I really like the phot you chose for your banner. It is easy to find tour comment wall link. It would be nice to have an introduction so us the reader have an idea of what we are about o read. We are going in some what blind. Also, it would be interesting to know why you chose this topic for your story. I really like how your introduction looks. I wish that your intro had more of you taking to us about your idea. For Rama’s banishment I really like the spacing of the story. It is also interesting that the background is black, and the letters are white it is more unusual. It is nice you added an additional photo. The more photos the better! I also love it is like a choose your own adventure kind of story!! That is amazing!! That’s so unique!!! I wish I would have thought of that! Though it means double the work so props to you!!
ReplyDeleteHey Hannah! I really like that you kept the color overlay for all of your banner images. It makes all of the photos mesh when normally they may have had different tones to them. The one for the introduction took forever to load, but that is probably just my wifi. The photos actually in your stories really popped on the black background! How did you make the choose your own adventure style??? I'm doing one as well, but will be using buttons to jump between pages since the whole site will be one big story! I really like the Adhyatma Ramayana version of Sita's abduction. I read the PDE version and was SO upset when Rama doubted her purity! It was a little weird that the "choice" given in Rama's Banishment had little effect on the outcome, but I understand the word count struggle! Overall this was a fun project to explore and I look forward to seeing your last story!
ReplyDeleteHey Hannah! Just looked through your site and I gotta say the simplistic nature of it really stands out. Honestly it looks so clean and professional! I also really liked how you focused on the Ramayana. Personally that was my favorite epic and I enjoyed reading your stories on the matter. The Choose Your Own Adventure story was INCREDIBLE. Great work on that. You really made the story enjoyable and fun to be a part of. Great effort produces great work!
ReplyDelete